In the 15 minutes I was in the doctor’s office, I had to roll up my sleeves, completely display my scarred arm, receive my shot, hereafter roll my sleeves back down. TB shot without noticing the dark red slashes on my arm that I had just inflicted the night before. They only saw what lay above the waterline, People in our community never knew. Notice, she knew this other tormented side as well, she still looked at me as a confident, well put together person. Just as I viewed the beautiful, powerful majestic icebergs that stood tall in the Arctic Sea, people viewed Iris and myself as confident well put together individuals, that were just the tip of our icebergs. Though we both went through a great deal of hardship, were able to give one another constant support.
She never once faltered in being there for me. Iris was one person to whom I revealed what was under my iceberg. Genetics, environment and lifestyle influence whether someone develops a mental health condition. While linking causes, research suggests multiple. Others have jagged edges and reach twenty stories high, while every one powerful, beautifully stark, and unique. I know that the cold air whips my face, and the almost white Arctic light reflects off the water below. While gazing at icebergs and thinking about the part of me beneath the surface that noone could see, in the summer of 2013 I found myself in Ilulissat, on the rocky coast of western Greenland. On top of this, my feet are grounded to the moss covered rocky pathway. Actually, the mass of ice that remains below the surface of the cerulean Greenlandic waters remains a mystery. Yet, we can only see what lies above the surface of these powerful icebergs.
By the way I now know I wanted more than anything for someone to hold me and since I was scared for my life, I told myself I didn’t seek for anyone to notice.
You have just stared at my scarred arms and yet you say nothing!!
People so easily believed me and didn’t question my lies. So here is the question. Am I that useless?
Know what guys, I would say I had a mishap with a thorny bush, when people did notice my arms. Therefore this feeling of hopelessness filled me. Whenever bundling up for cold, beautiful ocean walks with my family, and connecting with Portland’s community of passionate artists and musicians, congress Street. On top of that, whenever leaving marks from these attacks, in times of darkness, I would pick up a sharp edge and brutally cut my skin. It was frightening to not always see the good in lifespan. When I began cutting myself, the first ripples began briefly and horribly in eighth grade, The underside of my iceberg began to surface. There appeared no connection to the person I was. While something I do find to be true, not even my beloved parents, knew that as far back as eighth grade, By the way I was struggling deeply with ‘selfharm’ and thoughts of depression, on the surface people see a confident and put together person. Like a lens shading the world into a darker and more negative place, in these darker times though, it felt like a gray veil had been placed over my eyes. A well-known fact that is. Therefore my actions grew to be insistent and scary by my freshman year, my entry into this world was subtle and infrequent.
Iris dive deep under my iceberg and to have brought a bit of my problems to the surface.
I’m quite sure I have also learned the impact that suicide has had on our community, with Iris’s death.
To find the simple beauties it presents to us, and to find humor in everyday events, Iris helped me with how to view this crazy world.
Lots of us know that there is beauty even below an iceberg. Iris’s iceberg was obviously deeper than I ever knew. Let me tell you something. With her death has come the realization that I will never again cause physical harm to myself. Therefore, we were always there for each other with nearly any struggle we were dealing with. Now please pay attention. Iris, someone who was struggling equally with the depths of her own iceberg. Needless to say, she was my constant support, she was my rock, after she figured me out. Known everyone fell for these cover stories except for one special individual. Iris as my chum, my personal therapist and my life saver.
Therefore this person found it necessary to say this in front of the entire crew team, and loud enough for just about everyone to hear her and look at me.
Maybe this person has different story behind that beautiful smile,’ just maybe they will realize how needed they really are in this big crazy world, if people can just stop for one moment and think that ‘wow.
We are looking at all things that can physically and emotionally upset us Whether a deeper depression,, or it’s struggling with a bad day. Everyone has their own personal struggles that they go through, we all have undersides to our icebergs. Notice that unfortunately this ain’t reality, it must be amazing if we could all be happy very often.
It looks like you do’, she said it so that sounded like ‘obviously you aren’t cutting.